youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
