Don't make out with my wife yet
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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