he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
