Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
