it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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