Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
