i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
