the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
