i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
