Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?

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  (805): i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns? http://tfl.nu/p7xv
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (2187)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.

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  (843): Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca. http://tfl.nu/m05t
  Replies (21) Good night (877) Bad night (2830)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.

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  (270): I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you. http://tfl.nu/x17f
  Replies (7) Good night (2360) Bad night (836)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

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  (+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food. http://tfl.nu/05sf
  Replies (20) Good night (3713) Bad night (853)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.

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  (519): I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid. http://tfl.nu/7asr
  Replies (12) Good night (4680) Bad night (1737)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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  (603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w
  Replies (17) Good night (2324) Bad night (3481)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.

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  (815): I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis. http://tfl.nu/m4yy
  Replies (6) Good night (1107) Bad night (3052)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive

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  (804): i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive http://tfl.nu/za3r
  Replies (1) Good night (2962) Bad night (1089)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect

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  (412): Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect http://tfl.nu/da8w
  Replies (1) Good night (2421) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.

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  (606): I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail. http://tfl.nu/b2ml
  Replies (11) Good night (589) Bad night (4184)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.

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  (203): Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic. http://tfl.nu/uabe
  Replies (2) Good night (1203) Bad night (705)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".

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  (540): Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!". http://tfl.nu/uep9
  Replies (7) Good night (930) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see

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  (651): Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see http://tfl.nu/afr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1559) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him

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  (402): I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him http://tfl.nu/5l9m
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad

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  (615): Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad http://tfl.nu/n2ij
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (559)

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