hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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