Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz