Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

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(207): I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend? http://tfl.nu/xxqb

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(613): View more from Ontario

So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.

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(613): So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success. http://tfl.nu/o5kx

Replies (7) Good night (5590) Bad night (942)
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(760): View more from California

I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night

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(760): I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night http://tfl.nu/kc6c

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(607): View more from New York

Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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(607): Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless http://tfl.nu/a84j

Replies (20) Good night (5175) Bad night (653)
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(954): View more from Florida

We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.

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(954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles. http://tfl.nu/w60i

Replies (38) Good night (6432) Bad night (912)
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(909): View more from California

don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

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(909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy

Replies (13) Good night (1783) Bad night (6139)
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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

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(928): I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?" http://tfl.nu/rf85

Replies (32) Good night (8189) Bad night (1858)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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(602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp

Replies (23) Good night (1635) Bad night (4332)
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(714): View more from California

You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"

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(714): You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party" http://tfl.nu/cx8m

Replies (7) Good night (2719) Bad night (1031)
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(415): View more from California

so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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(415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l

Replies (19) Good night (3650) Bad night (1140)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?

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(314): Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences? http://tfl.nu/kgto

Replies (8) Good night (1459) Bad night (995)
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(361): View more from Texas

I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body

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(361): I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body http://tfl.nu/4g9m

Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (597)
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(646): View more from New York

Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.

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(646): Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with. http://tfl.nu/g4xi

Replies (5) Good night (678) Bad night (1012)
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(607): View more from New York

I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?

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(607): I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing? http://tfl.nu/ocvg

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.

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(717): THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES. (610): HOLY SHIT. You're my hero. http://tfl.nu/mhwg

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