Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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