I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum