I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
