i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
