Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me