At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels