It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.