i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night