Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
