By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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