Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
