I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
