Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
