I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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