my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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