I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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