Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
