when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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