you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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