guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
