Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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