After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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