I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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