last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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