My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
