It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
