I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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