All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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