my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it glows. i had to have it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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