There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
