my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
