I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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