I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
