He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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