He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
