I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
