i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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