i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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