Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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