I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
