And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
