He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
