so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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