Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
