i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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