I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
