I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
