nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
