Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
