bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
