you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
