I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
