I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
