No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
