he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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