So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
