I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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