sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
